Firstly, What is a HaB?! Simple - Husbands and Boyfriends!
Secondly, we all know that there are some things that only a pageant husband or boyfriend can say that many NPP's (non pageant people) will not understand!
1. Do I have to go and watch another pageant?! You arent even competing in this one!
Why yes Hunny! Of course you do! If I am required to sit there and watch you ride round and around in circles on your motorbike then you need to come with me to watch another pageant. Its mandatory, whether im competing or not.
2. Do you really need so much hairspray?
Duh! How do you think i'm going to get my hair to stay volumized? Besides, I need firm hold for some areas and more of a flexi hold in others. I know i'm burning another hole in the ozone layer but this is vital!
3. So you glue on your eyelashes?
Well i can let the competition out-do me now, can I?!
There allow me to complete my overall look! Dont you understand that my eyelids look bald without them?!
4. And you put glue on your butt?!
Sweetheart, if i didnt put glue on my butt them my swimwear might 'ride up' and then all the boys would see... Is that what you want?! I mean, come on! I am really doing this one for you!
5. A Burger, Doughnuts and Ice Cream?
Yes. After my pageant. A burger, Doughnuts, Ice Cream, Pizza, Kettle Chilli chips, Bacon, Jello, Red Velvet Cake
and a side of fries please... with a Diet coke.
I'd like it ready and waiting straight after competition and i'd like you to leave me alone while i eat.
6. Isn't taking 22 pairs of shoes going overboard?!
Seriously?! Thats almost break up words right there! I'm at the pageant for 2 weekdays plus the weekend! Thats only an average of 5.5 shoes per day and I need appearance shoes, my training shoes, my swimwear shoes, my evening wear shoes, my fitness shoes, my cute shoes to wear at dinner and dont even think i'll wear my blue sparkle shoes with my white outfit! That outfit needs the pink sparkle shoes! Sheesh!
7. Yes, I'll help you carry your bags...
Why, Thank you kind sir! Here they are! You carry them and ill carry my ever important crown case!
Just dont drop any! There is precious cargo inside... like my shoes!
8. Why is everything you own bejwelled?!
Well, it makes it look pretty! You can NEVER have to much sparkle in your life and this way, when you lay in bed late at night and run your fingers through your hair you will find a loose rhinestone and think of me!
Its my way of leaving a 'fingerprint' on you!
9. So you buy your hair?
Of course! How else do you think i would get hair this amazing?
So long, soft and full... the perfect colour match...
I have hair I can wear permanently or i have hair that i can clip in and out every day...
Besides, the more i have the more volume i get!
"The higher the hair, the closer to God"
10. You spent HOW MUCH?!
Sweet dear boyrfriend / husband... I've told you i love you right? I've told you how much you mean to me?!
Well what i've spent is only a fraction of what you mean to me...
It was necessary anyway! I need people to know i'm serious about this pageant. Serious about winning... besides, you wouldnt want me on stage looking horrible would?